It has been a year since she passed. The thought of her with her hand on the back of my neck has unleashed the water works this week. Tears drip off my chin without my permission. I know it is because of The Ring and what it recalls for me. All that I miss most about her.
For various reasons The Ring was lost for a short time after Grammie passed. It was unaccounted for in the months following her burial. We all were. Thankfully, it found its way back into our heart and hands. My mother wears it now, everyday. Rightfully so, it was from the loving hand of her mother. She is traveling this week and felt for its safety. It would be best left behind. As she parted with the heirloom, I swore I would look after it until she returned. Parting with The Ring was difficult. This heirloom has become my mothers totem. It is a powerful one.
While making dinner last night, cleaning up, untangling hair, attending to the beagles, and finally nestling down under the covers; its weight unleashed so many memories. Precious memories. Here come the tears.
I realized what I missed most was her affection. Kisses, full embraces, smiles, winks, full blown laughter and even tears of happiness were offered up freely. Laying my head on her lap always transported me to a small slice of emotional heaven. Her attention soothed my anxious childhood and disquieted youth. They are tender soft unfading memories. This, I thank The Ring for reminding me.
But, The Ring brought more memories. Memories of how her passing brought me to my knees. There was no other woman in my life that physically embraced me to the lengths Grammie did. Rubbing my back, making sure my tummy was full, kissing me good night no matter my age and demanding to snuggle under the auspices I’d catch a draft were her absolute priority. Physical closeness, how human beings must have it, she was the master. She knew and loved that my DNA required it. And now she was gone.
Don’t get me wrong, my DH is a tremendous snuggler who has kept my heart warm for over 20 years. However, there is something about my Grammie’s loving female attention and me being a touchy-feely type.
When I shared this emptiness with DH, over wine and more tears, his words were “those loving actions may be gone for you now, but that does not mean you cannot ensure those type of soft memories are there for our little ones”.
Which brings us to why I’m sharing this post about The Ring.
Friends, physically love your kids, no matter what age. Smother them. Even if they throw you off. They still want it. Trust me I have a tween. Hold them close even when they are as old as you are now.
If Grammie was here she would tell you why, it’s all about being short on criticism and long on love.
It will be hard to give The Ring back,